I've never belonged

These concepts are socially constructed and have been given much weight. What are your thoughts?
MzFlorez
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I've never belonged

Unread post by MzFlorez » June 21st, 2011, 2:37 pm

I'm pretty light skinned y Im Spaniard (Espana) and Flemish, pero I never fit in anywhere. Mexicans called me *Freaky Loka* a name I hate to this day cause I also have Vitiligo on my face and parts of my body. Its pretty noticeable even with makeup on. I ran with some Surenas from the 559 a long time ago then moved up to Washington State. I hated it there too, but the same shit happened. Its mostly white people there and they are pretty racist. They would always talk shit. Especially all the little chavalas everywhere up there. White girls pretending to be all hard from a town with like 3 thousand people and all cowboy hick bars; acting all mexican then racist as shit. Dumbasses, everyone I did know or was real good friends are all gone now so I have a real hard time making friends even to this day. I moved back to Bakersfield to avoid Fresno and Madera. Anyone else ever have this problem? White people dont like me, latinos dont like me and then black people really didnt like me so wtf? I have tattoos everywhere so nobody ever approaches me either. Im actually a really nice person just tired of all the BS

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MMRbkaRudog » June 21st, 2011, 6:57 pm

I'm also Latin-European & even tho I felt so much in common growing w/Mexicans to the point I decided to bee down with the northern cause, I didn't always feel like I belonged. Didn't feel or came off "white" enough for the whites & at times felt too white for the non-white, but now I just don't care too much. After all the years of knowing so many people, I have come to realize that most people are pieces of shit any way. It's like I have weeded out all the no good friends, but a lot of it just has to do with people mocing on in some way. I don't know how old you are, but I think most people have less friends once high school is over. I thought it was weird how a younger uncle had barely any friends after high school, but then I experienced it myself.

Now after all this weeding out friends, friends dying, friends being lost on dope, friends getting locked up, friends moving, etc. it does seem hard to keep friends. I'm at the point where I want to fit in with other people & it's hard. A few years ago I wanted to become more Catholic & at times I did good, but it's hard for me. I still have my past & I feel like it haunts me, which it has. I met a girl who acted religious & I couldn't fit in, but even then she was phony. There goes another point about how most people are just pieces of shit, but I guess that's just life.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MzFlorez » June 21st, 2011, 7:33 pm

I agree they are pieces of shit cause obras son amores y no buenas razones! Also, it was a long time ago for me (the mid 1990's) I am 35 now, pero shit don't change. I spent two years in prison too but managed to get all that vacated, sealed and even have my right to own firearms restored. I finally managed to get an AA in criminal justice cause I wanted to help and work with us cholas but none of these mother fuckers care and they always have some excuse so I never get a job. Its all BS cause the minute they see me in the interview room they automatically make up their mind. It's hard to look nice with surena and shit plastered all over me. I started getting this stuff removed by lasers but all it did was leave a scar so I tried to make the rest as pretty as possible, flowers, butterflies and stuff I really like. So, it don't matter what you do in life it always haunts us. You know how much shit Ive been though and nobody freakin cares, not friends familia I've made no friend in college cause it's almost all white people and I never fit in entirely (Started college in Washington before I moved back here to Califas). They avoid me. I'm a senior now and starting to wonder if any of it all even matters. I don't even have any of my old homegirls, they are all gone. The last one died in 2007.

I stopped dating cause I siempre seem to get the worst vatos a girl can get no matter where they come from. Shit is old. So now I am a single mommy with a disabled 6 year old so now what? Everyone under the right circumstances seem to be busters so why try ya know? No hay mal que por bien no venga MY ASS, where the hell is mine? how have you overcome all this?

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by Silencioso » June 21st, 2011, 10:08 pm

MzFlorez wrote:I'm pretty light skinned y Im Spaniard (Espana) and Flemish, pero I never fit in anywhere. Mexicans called me *Freaky Loka* a name I hate to this day cause I also have Vitiligo on my face and parts of my body. Its pretty noticeable even with makeup on. I ran with some Surenas from the 559 a long time ago then moved up to Washington State. I hated it there too, but the same shit happened. Its mostly white people there and they are pretty racist. They would always talk shit. Especially all the little chavalas everywhere up there. White girls pretending to be all hard from a town with like 3 thousand people and all cowboy hick bars; acting all mexican then racist as shit. Dumbasses, everyone I did know or was real good friends are all gone now so I have a real hard time making friends even to this day. I moved back to Bakersfield to avoid Fresno and Madera. Anyone else ever have this problem? White people dont like me, latinos dont like me and then black people really didnt like me so wtf? I have tattoos everywhere so nobody ever approaches me either. Im actually a really nice person just tired of all the BS
You're half Flemish, half Spanish, have vitiglio and the white people in Washington still didn't accept you as white? What a bunch of race fanatics.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MzFlorez » June 21st, 2011, 11:22 pm

Silencioso wrote:You're half Flemish, half Spanish, have vitiglio and the white people in Washington still didn't accept you as white? What a bunch of race fanatics.
I know right? People don't get that Spaniards are white Europeans. Like I said, I don't fit in anywhere y I'm so sick of it all. It's all pointless why even try really? I'll get my BA and owe tens of thousands of dollars in student loans only to never get a damn job. It's funny cause any latinos from Mexico, Central or South America tend to have Spanish blood in their veins yet I'm still an outcast ???? WTF

I give up...it's like fuck everyone!

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by Silencioso » June 22nd, 2011, 1:14 pm

My wife is white (Spanish-French) Colombian. She had a similar experience growing up in El Segundo. Non-hispanic whites sometimes called her wetback or said go back to TJ. She doesn't even look stereotypically Mexican but having a Spanish last name and a mother with an accent was enough. Her family moved to Redondo and things got better. My advive to you is to live in mixed areas. SF Bay Area, West LA. even parts of OC.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by shing » June 24th, 2011, 11:29 am

try living in Los Angeles. It's so diverse that you would just blend right in.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by Quepolo3 » June 25th, 2011, 6:57 am

@MzFlorez- Sounds like you need a change of scenery. No matter what the circumstances you are under, you can't lose your confidence. My mother used to tell me, "if you got to many friends, something is wrong". That may sound crazy, but its true. Damn trying to belong, be yourself and put your plan together and follow the plan. Everything else will fall into place. Good luck to you, and may god bless you and your young one!

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MzFlorez » June 26th, 2011, 12:07 am

Quepolo3 wrote:@MzFlorez- Sounds like you need a change of scenery. No matter what the circumstances you are under, you can't lose your confidence. My mother used to tell me, "if you got to many friends, something is wrong". That may sound crazy, but its true. Damn trying to belong, be yourself and put your plan together and follow the plan. Everything else will fall into place. Good luck to you, and may god bless you and your young one!
Well I didnt move back to Fresno or Madera and havent live there for 11 years. i dont have any friends around here anymore. They are all gone. So, I am literally friendless at the moment

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by ViciousRidah » June 26th, 2011, 12:17 am

Mz Florez

I really can't see why you shouldn't be happy although I can understand why. But I think you should be happy with yourself,instead of trying to belong.

You said you have a degree in criminal justice despite serving time in jail, well thats an accomplishment right there.Not to many people can say they have something to show for when they are coming out of jail.You should also look at things in good perspective since you were able to get your case sealed and now are capable to take care of your little one.

But do find your own self worth and maybe a higher power has showed you those people don't belong in your life.

Bullsh!t seems to be at an all time high right now, its not exactly like I am not socialble but bs and nonsense seems to be the new trend so I avoid the current in crowd,until the smoke is cleared,maybe I i'll jump back into things.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MMRbkaRudog » July 18th, 2011, 12:52 pm

MzFlorez wrote: I stopped dating
I see...
http://www.transpassions.com/seeme/mznatalie.html

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MzFlorez » July 18th, 2011, 1:01 pm

MMRbkaRudog wrote:
MzFlorez wrote: I stopped dating
I see...
http://www.transpassions.com/seeme/mznatalie.html
I was born intersexed you dumb fuck. Does your retard ass know what the fuck that means puta?

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MzFlorez » July 18th, 2011, 1:05 pm

The stuff I said is just eatix away at ya isnt it farmgirl.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MMRbkaRudog » July 18th, 2011, 1:22 pm

No shit you dumb ass puta, I know how to read.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MzFlorez » July 18th, 2011, 2:49 pm

MMRbkaRudog wrote:No shit you dumb ass puta, I know how to read.
Hey vato, how about this....I'll be nice if you be nice k.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by shing » July 22nd, 2011, 9:39 am

MMRbkaRudog wrote:
MzFlorez wrote: I stopped dating
I see...
http://www.transpassions.com/seeme/mznatalie.html
You has internet search skillz!

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by alexalonso » July 27th, 2011, 12:35 pm

Please stop with the stupid comments and the hating. thanks

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by perongregory » August 6th, 2011, 11:42 am

what is intersexed like you have more male genes chromosones are something?

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by Quepolo3 » August 6th, 2011, 1:37 pm

shing wrote:
MMRbkaRudog wrote:
MzFlorez wrote: I stopped dating
I see...
http://www.transpassions.com/seeme/mznatalie.html
You has internet search skillz!
Aww man! Deep investigating. How do you get this kind of info.?

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MzFlorez » August 10th, 2011, 4:18 pm

perongregory wrote:what is intersexed like you have more male genes chromosones are something?


Are you serious? Is google that hard to use? Here:
http://www.lmgtfy.com/?q=Karyotype+46+XX+true+gonadal

What is Intersexed:

http://www.isna.org/faq/what_is_intersex



Here, like any of you people give a shit anyway.








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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by perongregory » August 10th, 2011, 5:05 pm

I knew u was gone ay some ol gay shit like that. I asked cuz I don't care enough to google it, I coulda been disrepectful but I showed interest...some people.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MzFlorez » August 10th, 2011, 9:06 pm

perongregory wrote:I knew u was gone ay some ol gay shit like that. I asked because I don't care enough to google it, I coulda been disrepectful but I showed interest...some people.
Well, all you have to do is click on a link if you are curious.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by Colombo123 » December 20th, 2011, 2:57 pm

I understand your point really. Myself i am Sri lankan with some portugese blood in our family three ( its south asia) Racialy i would be called "indian" i guess.
But i dont look as the traditional indian guy in the "simpson movie" As India is over 1.5 billion people whole north India is mostly light skinned, Aswell half of the south asian population is of the aryan stock of North india (todays iran/afganistan) Is called scandinavian race.


Problem i face in US is everything is ether BLACK - LATINO - ASIAN (WHIDE EYED) - WHITE .

the rest of the enthic groups like South asian people ( which i would say we call Indians) all countries there combind is around 2 billion people. And we still dont have any "place" in the US as Asians.


When i went to school, the only people that supported my back or wanted to be friends with me was Hispanics.. I have only had latino girlfriends and some "forign african womans" that also have the problem to fit in in the community.

I faced alot of racism ..from blacks and whites cos they see me as latino. Really it was hard ..even when i said i am not latino , they keep telling me they dont speak hispanic....Or when i was suppose to go to a nightclub in Las Vegas, they told me the club is closed for "YOU" ...club was full of people...but only me and some hispanics was outside....and black gangbangers.


I am now moved back to Asia , cos i really feel i was left out for 20 years in US. I really never feelt welcomed. ONLY with the hispanics...I have been to Mexico...and i feelt more home there than in US. even if only was in Mexico for two weeks. People treated me very good and with respect...as i was one of them

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by Silencioso » December 20th, 2011, 3:16 pm

half of the south asian population is of the aryan stock of North india (todays iran/afganistan) Is called scandinavian race.

North Indians are called Scandinavian? I've never heard that before. Is that something they say in India?

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MMRbkaRudog » February 12th, 2012, 7:37 pm

Looks like she feels belonged on youtube:


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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by alexalonso » February 13th, 2013, 2:39 pm

Quepolo3 wrote:
shing wrote:
MMRbkaRudog wrote:
MzFlorez wrote: I stopped dating
I see...
http://www.transpassions.com/seeme/mznatalie.html
You has internet search skillz!
Aww man! Deep investigating. How do you get this kind of info.?
that was deep internet research.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MARTINEZ » February 13th, 2013, 4:09 pm

MMRbkaRudog wrote:Looks like she feels belonged on youtube:

no video

try again

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by alexalonso » February 14th, 2013, 5:52 pm

the video got removed after it was embedded here.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by lachica69 » May 14th, 2013, 3:09 pm

It seems now a days EVERYONE"S MIXED! It's ok, others will catch on. It's not your problem.... it's theirs. I love being mixed, although some may think I am not mixed because I am Belizean. Belize is certainly a melting pot of various races and indigenous people: Europeans, Africans, Blacks, Caribbeans, Spanish, Mayans, etc. Yes, its a meltiing pot where everyone mingles and create beauty.

My grandmother was Spanish, living in a melting pot but yet she was still racist agains people of dark skin. Go figure!

I felt the racist treatment from my grandmother because my Spanish mother married another true Belizean but mixed ( Indigenous native, African, European).

Moving to Los Angeles when I was 4 from Belize was no big deal until i went to Middle School in a black community. There, is where i discovered I was different, as they made it seem.

My hair was questioned many times. Having long thick hair and a wierd light skin that tans was unique at the time. I guess the Belizean migration wasn't popular then. Now, at age 43 things are quite different. People are more knowledgeable of diverty and foreigners.

Los Angeles is now a melting pot. It wouldn't if it weren't for migration from Central Americans.

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by Coup » May 16th, 2013, 10:32 am

lachica69...may I ask...do you consider yourself Black or Latina?

My question is based on the fact that most Belizeans I know consider themselves Black...they do not deny their Spanish blood but do not call themselves Latin or hispanic. I also have a few dark skinned Guatemalan homies/homegirls that would lean toward considering themselves Black first rather than hispanic.

Is this more about ethnicity...more Black/African blood or culture? Culturally, depending on if they are raised here...they are Blacker then any other brother/sister I know, and unless they have that Creol accent, you would not know they are Belizean.

But shit....they are all tillyheads to me

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by lachica69 » May 22nd, 2013, 1:49 pm

I went to Vermont Ave school which I had all Spanish friends. There were black ppl there too but i gravitated to the Spanish culture. Not sure why! My mom looks Spanish, and my dad seemed unidentifiable at the time. Weird, I know but no one really looked like him, dark skin, grey eyes, and a heavy Creole accent (beauty i didnt understand yet). I gravitated to my mom more, for some reason. Middle school at Foshay was a nightmare and an learning lesson of race at the same time. Since i had accepted the Spanish race to define me from Elem school, I had figured who i was.... it thought. Although, i looked different, the Spanish ppl were calm and easy to be with. Then, I got a hold of the Black community in MS and dumped my Spanish friends, they were too docile. LOL! I then, decided I was black. I met other Belizean friends who were black, and I thought i was really weird but wanted to fit it... so i started to take on the Black attitude.

Anyway.....Now....I dont consider myself one or the other but MIXED!
My cousins with the exact same mixtures consider themselves black, but i've tried to school them that they are both and to accept and appreciate the Spanish part of themselves. See, they too grew up in a predominately black community. I went to college and found a new term Pan African: Pan-Africanism is an ideology and movement that encourages the solidarity of Africans worldwide.[1] It is based on the belief that unity is vital to economic, social, and political progress and aims to “unify and uplift” people of African descent.

The ideology asserts that the fates of all African peoples and countries are intertwined.

I am a mixed Belizean. So, if you ask what I am thats what I would say then break it down to you. :)

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Re: I've never belonged

Unread post by MARTINEZ » May 22nd, 2013, 2:25 pm

lol @ " I dumped my Spanish friends, they were too docile" :mrgreen:


For the record

there are squares in every single race

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